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Working on Relationships with Emotionally Unavailable Partners

Emotional unavailability can be a long term or temporary condition. For example, if

your potential partner was recently divorced, they may need a little time to adjust.

Even if someone is a bit ambivalent by nature, they may be able to change if they

really want to.

Try these strategies to connect better:

1. Listen closely: If your date tells you that they’re not interested in a serious

relationship right now, believe them. You may prevent a great deal of

frustration for both of you.

2. Focus on actions: What if someone tells you that you’re their soulmate, but

they keep making other plans on Saturday nights? When their actions and their

words contradict each other, pay more attention to what they really do.

3. Address the issue: Are you living in denial? Being honest about your

relationship is the first step towards making positive changes. You may be able

to help your partner open up, but only if they want it for themselves.

4. Set boundaries: Honor your needs. Be assertive about how you expect others

to treat you and how you will respond if they exceed your limits.

5. Risk vulnerability: If your partner has trouble sharing their feelings, you may be

tempted to shut down too. On the other hand, if you remain vulnerable and

authentic, you may be able to show them that there are healthier alternatives.

6. Stop abuse: Emotional unavailability may sometimes lead to abuse. Contact a

local hotline if you need trouble ending a relationship that is putting your safety

and wellbeing at risk.

Avoiding Relationships with Emotionally Unavailable Partners

Developing intimacy is often difficult, so you might want to remove as many

obstacles as you can.

These strategies will help you to select partners who will love and accept you as

you are:

1. Look for patterns: Examine your track record. If you often find yourself dating

someone who is married or just way too mysterious, you may be uncomfortable

making a commitment too.

2. Go online: Dating sites make it easy to discover new options and get lots of

practice. Browse online and create your own profile.

3. Pace yourself: When you’re dating someone, get to know them before you

become infatuated. You’ll be able to see them more clearly.

4. Pursue your interests: You might want to take a break from dating while you

revise your strategy. Get engaged in activities where you can mingle with

others who have similar interests. You’ll enjoy yourself, and you might meet

new friends and romantic prospects.

5. Seek counseling: Therapists can help individuals or couples with commitment

issues. Ask family and friends for a referral or check with professional

associations like the American Psychological Association.

Be honest with yourself about whether you’re satisfied with your romantic

relationships or need to change your approach to dating. If you want genuine

intimacy, seeking out emotionally available partners is more likely to deliver the

results you want.